


You’ve Got To Be Kitten Me!

by Goth-Bias (GothBias)



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir Bashing, Aged-Up Character(s), Everyone is in love with Chat Noir except Chat Noir himself, F/M, Fluff and Angst, MOSTLY FLUFF I PROMISE, Mild Language, Mostly Alya being a pervert ngl, POV Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir, Pre-Relationship, Probably about 17/18?, Self Confidence Issues, Sex Talk, The Ladyblog (Miraculous Ladybug), just teens being teens, no reveal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-27
Updated: 2019-11-27
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:21:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21578239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GothBias/pseuds/Goth-Bias
Summary: Alya’s Ladyblog has an interesting poll for the day and Adrien learns something very interesting about his good friend Marinette.
Relationships: Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir/Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug, Alya Césaire/Nino Lahiffe
Comments: 28
Kudos: 487





	You’ve Got To Be Kitten Me!

It’s one of those days that Adrien feels absolutely down and out about himself. Being a superhero had made his already broad shoulders broader and arms toned with muscle- a fact his father had finally caught on to this morning. While he was told his body was fine for someone who _isn’t_ a model, he can hear the undertone that’s screams that his body isn’t okay because he _is_ a model. 

Getting yelled at was no way to start off his Monday morning, but Adrien was very grateful to see his friends. Even so, his confidence had taken a plunge and he couldn’t help but wonder if he really _was_ too bulky- even for the standards of someone who doesn’t model. The morning passed in a blur of self doubt and notes and lunch approached just as hastily.

Picking at a salad, Adrien watches as Alya babbles at Nino and Marinette from across the lunch room. The shorter girl seems confused and Nino’s face screams that he has heard whatever Alya is ranting about far too many times.

Once they’re closer, Adrien can see why as Alya drops herself on the bench so hard the seat makes a loud _pop._  
  
”Jeez Alya you’re going to break that seat flinging that thing around,” Nino snickers and Adrien feels his mouth go slack.

Did Nino just really make fun of Alya’s ass? Oh god he was waiting for the explosion as Alya opens her mouth and-

She laughs?

“You love my fat ass,” Adrien feels his cheeks redden, “now back to the subject at hand.”

”Please no.” Nino groans as he begins unwrapping his sandwich. Adrien feels Marinette sit next to him and he smiles at her briefly.

Her cheeks go pink and she smiles back quickly before diving into the meal her parents packed for her.

”What are you guys even discussing?” Mari asks innocently, hiding her mouth behind her hand as she chews on a cheese biscuit.

”I posted a poll on the Ladyblog about whether or not Chat Noir is the hottest bachelor in France and people had the audacity to vote no!” Alya rants, sounding scandalized.

Adrien sits up straighter at this, trying to keep the shock off his face as his alter ego comes into the conversation. It’s not rare that is happens, obviously, but it never fails to startle him.

”Babe, it was only 14%.” Nino sighs.

”That’s 14% too many! Have you seen his ass Nino? Godly.” Alya throws her hands in the air.

”I have eyes Alya.” Nino rolls his eyes.

”You guys just discuss Chat Noir’s ass together?” Marinette blurts, eyes large in shock and Adrien hastily nods in agreement.

”That’s nothing,” Nino snorts, “tell them about the Oreo.”

Alya smiles wickedly and makes a few crude motions with her hands, “Me and Nino with Chat Noir between us.”

His embarrassment by finding out his best friend and his girlfriend want to do _that_ to him is quickly swept away with the realization he’s considered desirable.

Broad shoulders and all!

“Isn’t he a bit broad compared to your uh- normal choices? No offense Nino.” Adrien pushes lightly.

Nino shrugs, “None taken.”

”That’s what’s hot! As much as I love skinny guys there’s just something about broad men! Imagine grabbing those shoulders as he-“

”Ugh Alya gross. He’s a superhero not a sex icon.” Marinette scolds, her eyebrows furrowed.

”Yeah that’s what Adrien’s for.” Nino jabs his sandwich at the blond and he almost startles out of his seat.

”Me?!”

”Don’t play dumb Adrien we saw the underwear campaign.” Alya snickers.

”Hard not to when your hard on is on display on every billboard in Paris.” Nino cackles.

”I- I was not hard!” Adrien stutters out, face blood red as blinks owlishly at his friends.

“I couldn’t tell~” Alya sings, wiggling her eyebrows.

”Alya!” Marinette gasps, swatting at her best friend from across the table. Adrien starts laughing and Marinette startles, hand falling on the table.

”If no one else in the world thinks I’m hot at least I know my best friends think I’m hot,” he snickers.

”Trust me, your fan base is almost as thirsty as Chat Noir’s.” Alya says in agreement.

”That might change if we could get you some leather pants-“ 

“I’ll take second best, thank you.” Adrien interrupts Nino with a shake of his head.

Chat Noir in leather is one thing, he’s a superhero after all! Adrien Agreste in leather is a whole other can of worms he doesn’t quite feel like opening at the moment.

”You’re no fun,” Alya sticks her tongue out briefly at him before turning back to Marinette, “so girl- Chat Noir. Smash or pass.”

Marinette’s eyes go wide and she pulls her arm away from Alya like she burned her.

”Er well-“

”Come on Marinette it’s not like he’ll know.” Alya rolls her eyes.

 _Except he’s right here,_ Adrien thinks. His cheeks felt like they’re on fire. God he was going to fall over dead right now.

”Okay, well, he’s definitely handsome-“

”Sexy,” Nino corrects.

”A literal God.” Alya chimes in.

”Okay, okay. Yes, I would totally smash.” Marinette blurts with a pout.

Adrien is going to pass out right now. How did he go from doubting his body because of his father’s words to finding out his entire friend group wants to pass around his alter ego like a piece of cake!

”We should do a double stuffed Oreo!” Alya’s shout interrupts Adrien’s line of thought and he almost startles off the bench.

”W-what?” He coughs out.

”Me, Marinette, Chat Noir, Nino.” Alya says and makes more hand motions that would make a nun blush.

”Alya oh my god-“ Marinette mutters slamming the palm of her hand against her forehead.

”We can do a triple stuffed Oreo if you want in, dude.” Nino teases and Adrien scrunches his nose in response.

”It does make sense if you think Chat Noir is hot, though. He is blond with green eyes, just your type!”

 _Wait what?_ Adrien’s attention snaps back to the girls’ conversation.

”Shutupshutupshutup-“

Adrien cracks a smile and bumps his shoulder into Marinette’s. She smiles back weakly and bumps her shoulder back into his. Maybe he would revisit that comment later, but at that moment he’s just content to be surrounded by his friends.

Even if they’re perverts. 

**Author's Note:**

> Made this to work on writing something that isn’t well,, angst. But it still crept in anyways. This idea has been on my mind for a while so I hope it came out well!
> 
> -Bias


End file.
